I found myself having to watch what I said and apologize for cissexist comments. As a trans person, I was not exempt.
The pivotal moment for me came on our trip to Boston. It is hard to write about, because I do not come off looking good.
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Drunk and messed up after giving a triggering reading at an open-mic, I said to my boyfriend, who I love dearly, that I wished he just had a big dick to fuck me, and that it was easy. It was a drunk, misguided attempt at flirtation, believe it or not.
The Body Is Not an Apology
Nevertheless, I shamed him for his body. But this situation led to many big, difficult discussions and a lot of tears.
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We came pretty close to the end of what had been a great, loving relationship. I had to get to know him and learn what language made him comfortable.
And so it took holding two seemingly opposing truths in my head at once: I love Joey, and his body, just as he is. And at the same time, his ideal image of his body is more sexually appealing to me. More Radical Reads: But is it really just trans people who deal with this? I just wanted him to be comfortable.
Whatever changes he made, I wanted it to be for himself. And actually, Joey is attractive to me — in the present tense. And that was why I wanted to date him.
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It was that simple. And, with few exceptions, I treat him right, too. But this was my first real grown-up relationship. Last month, Grindr launched a new campaign to stamp out the racist, ableist and transphobic toxicity that the gay community has been channelling through the platform since its initial launch.
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While the app is the same, the community rules have changed. The move has been met with its fair share of scepticism. Aedan Wolton is a director of cliniQ , a sexual health and wellbeing service for trans people and their partners.
Follow him on Twitter: Recognise Me. From dating apps to sex clubs, queer trans masculine people are fighting for visibility in the places traditionally associated with cis gay men. More VICE. Save Yourselves.
How to Date a Trans Guy
That Guy Kas lives in Los Angeles. He is trans and queer, enjoys working out and tattoos, and mostly dates men. He blogs at ThatGuyKas. Like what you see here? Subscribe and be the first to receive the latest issue of Out. All Rights Reserved. Search form Search. That Guy Kas gives us the DL on dating a trans guy. Why should a gay cis guy consider dating a trans guy?
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